There are many possible theories on how the world’s going to end in 2012. Here is mine.

You see, as well all “know” the dinosaurs “died out” many years ago. And although this is a widely believed idea, it is in fact, false. In reality, the dinosaurs are a little more than pissed. You know the whole extinction thing? Totally lie. Politicians made that up because for the last thousands of years, dinosaurs have imposed a political threat on society. I mean, whom are you going to vote for to be president, this guy:

Or this guy?

So the politicians kidnapped them all and have been holding them in a secret holding location also known as Area 51 (everyone was wondering what that was, weren’t they). But, for the last three-bazillion years, the dinosaurs have been plotting their escape to wreck havoc and kill everyone. In 2012, they plan on making their attack.

Now you see, when they finally escape and begin their revenge, the leading forces against them will be America, Japan and Australia. Japan, being the bad asses they are, will create a batch of giant Gundam robots, which can shoot missiles from their eyes. America will be jealous and will stop focusing on fighting the dinosaurs and try and make their main goal to out do Japan, thus creating a mini war between the two countries. And Australia will harness their awesome accents to create a giant laser beam that only fires when enough Australians chant “AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI OI OI!”

During this epic war, another problem occurs.
Dolphins. Yes, dolphins.
You see dolphins, being one of the smartest animals on the planet, have been secretly mutating into an amazing race of sub-dolphins, with opposable thumbs, and legs that can retract into their bodies. And being the crafty little things they are, they stole a whole fleet of machine guns. Their motive for doing this is they want to team up with the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs get the Americans, whilst the dolphins get Europe and Australia.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Shit, we’re screwed. How the hell our we going to beat dolphins and dinosaurs?”
I have an answer to that too.
Narwhals.

Narwhals are amazing, whale-like creatures with giant horns coming out of their heads (often called Unicorns of the sea). Now, when they find out that their arch-nemesis’s, dolphins, have taken war against humans, they will immediately join the humans side, just out of sheer hatred for the dolphins.
Now, there is one final part to this epic war (which we’ll call OMGWTFBBQ) and that’s Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga? You mean the singer?
Yes. Lady Gaga the singer. Well, that’s what we THOUGHT she was. In reality, she is actually an alien. “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!” You know what that translates to in English? Kill-All-Hu-Hu-mans! Send-Send-mete-or. Th-They-Will-Per-ish!
We should have guessed.

So yes, Lady Gaga has her alien friends sending a giant badass meteor on a path of doom to earth, destined to strike at exactly 11:59 P.M on January 1st of 2012.
How are we going to stop this?

Well, I don’t have all the answers!

So let’s assess the OMGWTFBBQ situation now. We’re got the mutated dolphins and the dinosaurs against Japan, America and Australia (a mini-war going on between Japan and America during this time) as well as the Narwhals. And meanwhile, there is a giant asteroid heading to earth because of Lady Gaga!

I’m not a scientist and I don’t have all the answers, but here is what I would do in this situation.
First, I would release the dinosaurs and have an official “We’re sorry” document made up (as well as a bunch of perks, like health benefits). Next, I would give Europe and Australia to the dolphins. I mean seriously, they can have them. Then, I would give Japan and American some chill pills and tell them to take and easy and ask them “why can’t we be friends”. Lastly, we’re going to have to take out Lady Gaga. I mean, it’s going to be hard, she HAS got a p-p-p-poker face, but we should be able to tell when she’s about to unleash some serious alien powers on us.

And this is how the world is going to end.